Thursday, May 31, 2012
Well, I've been on birth control now for 3 days (today is day 4) and I can safely say the side effects are no fun. I was breaking out like crazy the first couple of days and today I have been sick to my stomach all day. It is finally starting to ease up a bit. I know this is probably good for me to regulate everything and hopefully give my cysts a chance to calm down but it is really no fun. I already can't wait to be done with the birth control. Although, I doubt stims will be much kinder to me but at least I'll feel like I am actively doing something. We should get our official IVF calendar early next week and then it is go, go, go!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Fast Forward
It has been some time since I have posted. We've been going through quite a struggle so I'll give the condensed version of our past few months to keep this from becoming a book.
We last left off with the catastrophic SA results...
Well, we went back in for a retest and, as expected, the results came back the same. So, we moved on to a fertility center to help us address this new mountain we needed to climb over in our path to conception. The fertility center has been great. We were put right on the IVF track since with azoospermia that is our only option. We also met with a urologist and hubby underwent a TESE operation to see if we could find any sperm to work with. We were blessed with surprising results that we have some viable sperm in three out of the five samples taken. We have our samples frozen right now in hopes to use them in ICSI. The urologist will also be on-call during our egg retrieval in case the samples don't survive the defrost so we can try for fresh samples. Since then, I have been (not so) patiently waiting for the start of a new cycle. With PCOS, my cycles have been averaging about 90 days now which is great unless you're trying to conceive. Throw in a couple insurance struggles and plan changes along the way and that brings us to the present.
I finally started a new cycle on day 90 (on the dot) so we are finally getting ready to start! I'm really excited to move forward and actually be doing something but I am also scared to death. I know I can get through this. I have never wanted something so much in my life. I'm not saying it will be easy (the thought of having to poke myself with a needle is something my mind just won't let me get over) but I will suck it up and march forward. It will all be worth it to finally have our child. Those words are so precious, now more than ever, our child.
While I'm admitting to my fears, I'm really worried this round won't work. We've put so much effort into this IVF cycle that I'm worried it will all come crashing down. I'm extremely optimistic, I so want this to work but in the back of my mind that voice is saying to be cautious. Please, Lord, let this work!
So...it's a few days of cramping and crabby attitudes for me and then, on Monday, I will be starting my round of birth control to get everything set for IVF! Hopefully, we're now in the countdown to our miracle!
We last left off with the catastrophic SA results...
Well, we went back in for a retest and, as expected, the results came back the same. So, we moved on to a fertility center to help us address this new mountain we needed to climb over in our path to conception. The fertility center has been great. We were put right on the IVF track since with azoospermia that is our only option. We also met with a urologist and hubby underwent a TESE operation to see if we could find any sperm to work with. We were blessed with surprising results that we have some viable sperm in three out of the five samples taken. We have our samples frozen right now in hopes to use them in ICSI. The urologist will also be on-call during our egg retrieval in case the samples don't survive the defrost so we can try for fresh samples. Since then, I have been (not so) patiently waiting for the start of a new cycle. With PCOS, my cycles have been averaging about 90 days now which is great unless you're trying to conceive. Throw in a couple insurance struggles and plan changes along the way and that brings us to the present.
I finally started a new cycle on day 90 (on the dot) so we are finally getting ready to start! I'm really excited to move forward and actually be doing something but I am also scared to death. I know I can get through this. I have never wanted something so much in my life. I'm not saying it will be easy (the thought of having to poke myself with a needle is something my mind just won't let me get over) but I will suck it up and march forward. It will all be worth it to finally have our child. Those words are so precious, now more than ever, our child.
While I'm admitting to my fears, I'm really worried this round won't work. We've put so much effort into this IVF cycle that I'm worried it will all come crashing down. I'm extremely optimistic, I so want this to work but in the back of my mind that voice is saying to be cautious. Please, Lord, let this work!
So...it's a few days of cramping and crabby attitudes for me and then, on Monday, I will be starting my round of birth control to get everything set for IVF! Hopefully, we're now in the countdown to our miracle!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Heartbroken
Yesterday I went to my follow up appointment at the obgyn with high hopes. We would go over our test results and I would be put on Clomid to induce ovulation. All would be great and we'd be well on our way for our BFP. Instead, the news I received was particularly devastating. My results came back the same as they did several months ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS. The HSG test came back clear, my tubes are open. But, our SA came back with a zero count....none present. How could this be?
We have now had a day to process and have quickly scheduled a retest for the end of the week. We are being cautiously optimistic. We know it is very rare for a second test to come up any different than the first. This journey to conceive has been wrought with obstacles, pitfalls, and heartbreak. I can only say that when this baby finally does come to us, it will be more cherished than I ever imagined possible, if only for the struggle we have had in attempts to expand our family.
I am also extremely impressed with my husband. This diagnosis is earth shattering for the both of us and he has, understandably, taken it very hard. But, he has also accepted this as our new challenge and has bravely said he will do what it takes for us to move forward. And for that, I love him all the more. These difficulties will not break us but make us stronger as a unit and bring us closer together in love. I thank God for that but also pray that He send us our little one soon.
We have now had a day to process and have quickly scheduled a retest for the end of the week. We are being cautiously optimistic. We know it is very rare for a second test to come up any different than the first. This journey to conceive has been wrought with obstacles, pitfalls, and heartbreak. I can only say that when this baby finally does come to us, it will be more cherished than I ever imagined possible, if only for the struggle we have had in attempts to expand our family.
I am also extremely impressed with my husband. This diagnosis is earth shattering for the both of us and he has, understandably, taken it very hard. But, he has also accepted this as our new challenge and has bravely said he will do what it takes for us to move forward. And for that, I love him all the more. These difficulties will not break us but make us stronger as a unit and bring us closer together in love. I thank God for that but also pray that He send us our little one soon.
Friday, December 9, 2011
One year
Dear future child,
I am writing this to you so that you realize how very much you were wanted. I have faced an overwhelming fear of doctors and needles. I have struggled, hoped, wished, longed, dreamed, cried, laughed, and prayed for you continuously since the moment we decided our family would not be complete without you. I hope you will one day realize just how very much you are loved and have been before we even really knew you. Whether we do eventually succeed in conceiving you or whether you come to us through other means, there is no measure for the desire in my heart to hold you in my arms one day and call you mine.
Love,
Your future mother
It has now been over a year in our journey to conceive. There are days where my longing becomes so great that I don't think I can handle it any more. But, there are other days where the hope is such a great joy that I can't help but smile to myself. Today is one of those days. With the arrival of the one year benchmark, that came upon us in early November, we have moved on to fertility tests. A majority of the tests are repeats of the tests my obgyn ordered earlier for me to try to understand my irregular cycles. She suspects PCOS is to blame due to my LH and FSH levels being opposite of what they should be. We've done another blood test and ultrasound (on specific cycle days this time). I also had an HSG done yesterday to check the state of my fallopian tubes. They're open and clear which is great news. Now we're in a waiting process for the rest of the results to come back and I'll have my next appointment right after Christmas. Hopefully, it will a late Christmas present with good results, a prescription, and an action plan. All I want for Christmas is a 2012 baby!
I am writing this to you so that you realize how very much you were wanted. I have faced an overwhelming fear of doctors and needles. I have struggled, hoped, wished, longed, dreamed, cried, laughed, and prayed for you continuously since the moment we decided our family would not be complete without you. I hope you will one day realize just how very much you are loved and have been before we even really knew you. Whether we do eventually succeed in conceiving you or whether you come to us through other means, there is no measure for the desire in my heart to hold you in my arms one day and call you mine.
Love,
Your future mother
It has now been over a year in our journey to conceive. There are days where my longing becomes so great that I don't think I can handle it any more. But, there are other days where the hope is such a great joy that I can't help but smile to myself. Today is one of those days. With the arrival of the one year benchmark, that came upon us in early November, we have moved on to fertility tests. A majority of the tests are repeats of the tests my obgyn ordered earlier for me to try to understand my irregular cycles. She suspects PCOS is to blame due to my LH and FSH levels being opposite of what they should be. We've done another blood test and ultrasound (on specific cycle days this time). I also had an HSG done yesterday to check the state of my fallopian tubes. They're open and clear which is great news. Now we're in a waiting process for the rest of the results to come back and I'll have my next appointment right after Christmas. Hopefully, it will a late Christmas present with good results, a prescription, and an action plan. All I want for Christmas is a 2012 baby!
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